Show the World, Australia – Show the World how to Collapse
Remember when China and the US followed our example and abolished capital punishment? No, me neither. But some think those superpowers would willingly destroy their own economies if we first destroyed out own.
Some like the Guardian’s David Marr, for example:
If Morrison could face the truth, he might speak not only to his country but the world. If Australia were taking effective action against climate change, this catastrophe would give us the right to demand better of the great rogue states on climate, China and the USA.
Let’s imagine how a demanding phone call from Morrison to China might proceed:
Nameless Communist Functionary: Hello, National People’s Congress. Chang Wa speaking.
Morrison: Hello, Mr Wa. We in Australia have just banned coal mining and halved our economy, and we were wondering if China could please do the same.
NCF: One moment please.
(Muffled sounds of a brief conversation in Chinese, followed by 30 seconds of hysterical laughter.)
NCF: Very sorry, Mr Morrison. Ling Tao just told a funny joke about those Jiangxi province rednecks. You were saying?
Morrison: I was saying, Mr Wa, that we’ve just halved our economy …
NCF: One more moment, please.
(Further shrieks of laughter, followed by breathless gasping.)
NCF: Oh, that Ling Tao and his Jiangxi impressions.
Morrison: This is no laughing matter! Carbon dioxide emissions have set Australia alight and our firefighters are completely exhausted. We’ve now had to involve our army, navy and air force. Unless you join us in reducing emissions, I will …
NCF: Wait. Stop.
Morrison: Yes?
NCF: You say able-bodied Australians exhausted from firefight?
Morrison: Yes. Yes, I do.
NCF: And you say … defence forces all very busy right now at fire?
Morrison: Well, yes. Everybody must pitch in and help in this great battle against …
NCF: Sorry got to go now big hurry important work bye-bye.
(Hangs up.)
Next, Morrison calls an old friend:
US President Donald Trump: ScoMo! ScoMo, old buddy! Man, am I ever glad you weren’t christened Howard. What can I do for you?
Morrison: Mr President, I need a small favour. See, we’ve just crippled our economy to set an example for you and China. So, how about it? Can you maybe shut down Texas or something?
(Long pause.)
Trump: Do have anything like our 25th Amendment in your constitution? You know, something that means a leader can be thrown out if he goes crazy?
Morrison: No.
Trump: Didn’t think so. By the way, why does this radar I’m looking at show a fleet of Chinese warships headed towards your eastern coast?